So I was right about the new guy. He called me and texted me and I went right back into my old routine. I became clingy and emotional and he hated it. He came over on Friday to spend the night but it didn't feel right. Nothing about him feels right. I really think I should just cut my losses and move on. Unfortunately, I deleted his number and I have no intention of going over to his house to break up with him. Plus, he has my stuff at his place and I have his stuff here. See, here I go making excuses as to why I can't break up with him. I need to get him out of my life and stay single for a while. I'm so scared of being alone.
My roommates are moving out next weekend. When they leave, I'll be completely alone with the girls. I know that I'm going to be doing stupid things like trying to meet guys or letting my depression get the best of me. I never learn. You know, I actually had a dream last night that new guy told me he loved me. It's stuck in my head now. Even my dreams are sabotaging my head.
I want to stay in bed all day. I want to sleep until I'm normal again. I want to run far far away from all my problems and never have to deal with them again. I can't keep running from my problems but I don't know how to face it without getting hurt again. Normally once I start writing I get an idea on how to fix things, even if it doesn't work out at least I end up with a plan. Today I don't have a plan. I'm so confused and exhausted. What the heck do I do? What is the answer? What is the solution? I don't think I've ever been so lost before.
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