Money Problems

So, although the rest of my life is in great shape, there is one problem.  Money.  My psycho ex husband is refusing to pay me child support leaving me to contact the attorney general to MAKE him pay.  I'm not exactly thrilled with his behavior and he sent me a nasty email saying that he will not pay child support and that he will take my kids from me as soon as possible.  Lucky for me, the law is on my side.  He would have to prove me incapable of caring for my kids and by the time he gets back from Kuwait, I'll have graduated and he wont have a leg to stand on.  I have primary custody of the kids, he is the one who isn't paying child support.  I'm the one who works three jobs to provide for my kids while going to school full time.  I'm the one who will have the college degree.  Unless he can prove that staying with me will cause the children harm, he wont be able to take them from me.  I'm not worried.  I'm mad, but I'm not worried.

Now, for the big problem.  Money.  I have about $5000 in unpaid bills that are already in collections.  They include my electric bill, two missed house payments, one missed car payment, two missed insurance payments, two missed furniture payments, and other things.  On the first of September I have to pay 4600 just to keep on track and not miss any payments.  Part of that is half of my insurance past due, two furniture payments and two car payments.  I have at most 3600 coming in.  More than likely it will only be 3200.  So I have to pay more than I have coming in to bills.  I have two options.  Option 1:  ask my parents for a loan.  Option 2:  get a payday loan.  Either way is not pleasant or desirable, but it's the only way to stay afloat until my paychecks come in for the other two jobs which I haven't started yet.  Together they will pay about 500 a month, which will cover my car payment.  As soon as I get the child support it will cover my daycare expenses.  The rest of my usual income with cover the remaining of my bills and hopefully I can start paying off the bills in collections.  Yesterday was a very depressing day for me.  I was concerned about my situation but today I'm optimistic about how I'm going to resolve this.  Things will be tight financially for a long time, but once I graduate things will get better.  I can only go up from here.

On Friday I am going to apply for government programs like medicare for the kids, tanf (temporary assistance for needy families) and other programs that will help me get by.I'm also thinking about getting a school loan.  It will suck to pay back, but it will help me get through.  Any other ideas?

Hate is a strong word

I hate my ex husband.  I once loved him, but now I have nothing but hate.  How could the father of my children treat me so badly?  For the past few weeks he has been insulting me, saying everything he can think of to hurt me and poison me.  I tried to be the bigger person, I really did.  I didn't ever say anything mean back (ok, maybe once in a while).  Last night was the last straw.  He texted me asking to talk to the girls since he was leaving first thing this morning for Kuwait.  At first I didn't want to, but I wanted to do the right thing for the kids so I let them talk to him.  What shocked me was that they were more worried about talking to his girlfriend than to him.  I made a decision last night that I'm not proud of, but I"m sticking to it.  I will NOT let him talk to the girls until he appologizes to me.  I deserve so much more respect than he is giving me.  Until I get an appology, he can forget he has two little girls.  Besides, I found out yesterday from my oldest daughter that his girlfriend is pregnant.  Good for him.  That child will replace the two that he will never see again.  Hate is a strong word for a strong emotion.  I wish it would have been different.  I wish he would have been nicer to me, at least civil, but he couldn't do that.  So now I won, the girls are mine, and I'm never letting him have them again.

Back Again

Guess who is back?  My babies!  My ex husband is off to Kuwait in a few days and the girls are living with me.  I finally have my girls back, for good.  It's not going to be easy juggling two jobs, school, and my beautiful kids, but I will do whatever it takes to make sure they stay with me.  My oldest starts school in less than a week, first grade!  Funny enough, that's the same day I start school at the university.  This is my not my last semester as I had hoped, but my second to last semester.  I will graduate in May.  Nine long months to go and then it will be over.  It's sort of like being pregnant.  I have nine months left, with every month getting more difficult to get through until the end when it all comes to fruition and I get my buddle of joy, my diploma!  Fantastic analogy.

So let's start with a recap.  I am still single, now that the kids are here I wont be dating much either.  So the dating situation is non existant but I really don't mind.  In fact, I think I prefer it this way.  I have more time to devote to my kids and to myself.  I went on a few dates recently, but I don't think there are many options here for me in respect to men.  Due to my location, there are only two types of men available, soldiers and hispanics.  Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against either, however in respect to my dating options, I don't find either group a good fit.  I've already done the soldier thing.  I'm done with soldiers, in general they are not emotionally available or mentally competent to date me.  With hispanics, the vast cultural differences between myself and them would cause too much friction in a relationship.  At this point in my life I prefer to have a companion/partner that is similar to me in upbringing and values.  That usually would come from someone with my racial background, and someone who was raised in the same part of the country as me.  Someone who was raised like me.  So with limited options for men here, I have very little desire to settle for second rate men.  I will just bid my time and wait until I am ready to relocate.  I hope when I graduate and move that I will relocate to a place where more men will meet my criteria.  Getting into a serious relationship right now is not a good idea anyway knowing that I wont be here for long.  We will see how things go, but I'm fairly sure that dating isn't an option for me.

School starts on Monday for me and my daughter.  I'm excited and anxious.  Excited because I always loved the first day of school and it's the day our routine will start.  Anxious because it's gonna be my daughter's first day and I hope it goes well.  It will be rough the first couple of weeks setting up the routine and getting comfortable and my kids don't do well with change.  It's sad that they have been through so much change in such a short time, it can't be healthy.  However, my main goal is to get them both involved in outside activities.  I'm putting the older one in cheerleading.  ASAP.  She needs a positive outlet.

I would love to write more but I just don't have enough time right now.  I'll write again updates soon.