Single Again

I'm now single again.

I caught the boyfriend in yet another lie and finally called it quits.  He wanted a boys weekend so I left to go visit my girls.  On Friday night I hung out with a friend of mine while he went to go work on a buddie's car.  I found out he wasn't working on the car and didn't work on it at all. I didn't hear from him for over 12 hours and he never came home.  So I left to go visit my girls and I told him that he needed to be out of my house before I got back.  The biggest pet peeve I have is lying.  If you can't tell me the truth, then there is not trust.  If there is no trust, there is no relationship.  So I dumped him.

On a lighter note, I got to spend the weekend with my girls.  Oh how I missed them!  I took a ton of pictures.  They were so much fun to be around.  The baby speaks full sentences and wants to do everything by herself.  The older one loves to make her own decisions.  She likes to decide what she wants.  They wanted to go home with me but I don't have anyone to watch them while I'm at work or school.  I wanted to take them home with me so bad but I had to be rational about it.  I'll be back for them soon.

I hired a cleaning lady to come help me with the house.  Tomorrow my house should finally be clean!  I'm looking forward to having my house clean for the first time in about a month.

So, on to the break-up topic.  He was out of the house when I got home last night but his stuff wasn't.  I asked him to drop off the key and leave.  He stopped by when I was asleep and left the key.  I wish things had been different.  I wish we could still be together, but this is the right thing to do.  I need to be single for a while.  I need to focus on school and getting my girls back.  I will be strong.

On my way back yesterday I knew I was going to take him back if I didn't get him to hate me first.  So I lied to him.  I told him I cheated on him, that I was talking to other guys, that I never loved him, all this stuff to make him hate me.  Of course none of it was true, but how else could I make sure he didn't want me back?  I said so many hurtful things to him.  I'm sure he hates me now, even though I still love him and care about him. It's better this way.  I have to get him out of my life, he is toxic for me right now.  Even his friends all tell me that I'm too good for him.  I hope this doesn't come back and bite me.  I lied to save myself but I feel so guilty about it.  He was just using me and I know it.  So why isn't this easy?  Why does it hurt so much to let him go when I know he was horrible to me?

There is this song that I heard on the radio and it sums up everything for me.  It's by Sara Evans called, "A Little Bit Stronger".  I'm going to listen to it so much that it becomes my anthem.  I will get through this.