I'm really not proud to report my disastrous behavior yesterday but since this blog is meant to document my progress this year I can't in good faith omit it.
I looked back over this blog that I have been writing in since the start of 2011. Nearly six months have passed and I don't really feel like I've made any progress. I am still struggling with my depression. Yes, my divorce is final, but there are still issues with my ex. Don't even get me started on my failed attempts at dating. In only two weeks I'll have been dating my boyfriend for exactly six months. What's ironic is that every relationship I've been in that lasted this long has ended in marriage or engagement. This relationship is different. Neither of us want to get married. This exact thing was the fuel to my explosive rant last night which I will detail in a minute.
I'm disappointed in myself. I have all these blog posts about how I'm going to change and overcome this stupid cycle and yet here I am six months later with no progress. If anything, I think I have digressed. I've fallen into the same exact relationship I had with my ex. I know I'm not ready to change. It's devastating to realize that I just don't have the motivation or strength in me to change my bad habits. I have this desperate need for attention that seems to be the root cause of my craziness. I honestly have no clue how to change. I know I'm not happy. I don't really know why. Luckily I have a mental health appointment at the end of the month. I'm hoping that it will start there.
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