Looking back on my blog I realized that I wrote a lot about blame. I blamed everything on someone or something else like my depression, my boyfriend, my stress, all of it were just excuses for my bad behavior. Now that I am back on my Zoloft, I'm starting to think clearly again. I realize how psychotic I have been towards my boyfriend. I have blown up over stupid stuff and took jokes seriously. In fact, today at work I truly realized how crazy I have been. A co-worker said something that was obviously meant to be taken with a grain of salt but I took it to heart. She told me that I need to lighten up and learn how to take a joke. It hit me. Half of the problems in my budding romance stem from my insecurities. I also cause almost all the fights and I'm too eager to jump to conclusions. I have no trust, despite the fact that he really hasn't done much for me to not trust him. I'm so eager to pass the blame and point the finger that I don't really see what is going on with me. So now I have a goal. A real goal. I'm going to work on my insecurities. I need to build myself up. I let my ex bring me down, and now I'm struggling to climb out of the hole. Well, it starts now. No more insecurities, no more self deprecation or doubt. I need to listen to my heart and be strong.
Wish me luck, I'm going to need it. These are the biggest demons I've ever come up against.
No comments:
Post a Comment