I'm such a chicken. You know when you know something is bad for you but you just keep doing it anyway? For example, you know that eating a huge piece of chocolate cake at midnight is just going to make you gain five pounds overnight but you eat it anyway? Or you know that your monthly trip to the spa that you can't afford is causing huge debts but you can't seem to give it up? That's kind of like my relationship I'm in right now.
Problem one, I'm not emotionally or mentally ready for a relationship but I pursue it anyway. I know full well I'm not capable of having a healthy relationship right now. So why the heck do I have a live in boyfriend?
Problem two, I picked the one guy that isn't emotionally or mentally ready for a relationship either. He is probably the one person even worse off than I am, and he's the one I picked.
Solution? Get rid of him. The probability that either of us will break up with the other? 0. So, knowing full well that this relationship is toxic and will lead us nowhere, I still stay. We fight every day, or at least every other day. I'm jealous, possesive, and angry all the time. He is closed up tighter than a 100 year old bottle of wine. I'm going to try and have him stay somewhere else for a week. I would really like some time alone to just be myself for a while. I'd like to see what I would do with all that alone time. If I find that I don't really miss him, then I have my answer. We just moved too fast. Now I need to get out. Fast.
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