So today I didn't do as well as I had hoped. I resorted back to old habits for the first part of the day. I think it's due to my lack of Zoloft, because I broke down in tears this morning over my financial situation. Reflecting back on this morning, I'm sure it was the Zoloft withdrawal that caused my relapse. However, after I calmed down and started the day I was able to maintain my new persona and mantra of learning to be alone. It was harder today than I expected, but for the most part I'm doing ok. Tomorrow I'll do better, I have a game plan. I realized today how important it is for me to have a game plan, it keeps me grounded even if I know it will not come to fruition.
I had a little to do list for today and tomorrow since I have these two days off of work. I accomplished half of my tasks today, the other half I will hopefully take care of tomorrow. I got a second job today. I'm not sure when it will start, but I'm now a waitress at a local strip club. It's not a job I'm proud of, but the extra income will be enough to get me out of the red. I was worried about how the boyfriend would react, but he said he is ok with it as long as I'm not a dancer. So what if I wear tight clothes and flirt with guys that may occassionally try to grab at me, how is that different from going out to a club? The difference is I will get PAID to do it. Those same guys that will try to grab at me will also pay me, so I don't mind.
The other big topic is that I did a lot of research today regarding my future. Unfortunately for me, it's not all good news. The best part is, that after I graduate in December I will be applying to grad school to pursue my PhD in Physics. Yes, that's right, I said PHD!!! I can actually skip over the Masters and go directly into school for my PhD. However, I need to study for the GRE and the Physics GRE. The GRE is relatively easy, almost like the ASVAB (the test you have to take to enter the armed forces). However, it is the same amount of questions only with less time so it's significantly harder. The Physics GRE is much much harder and is only given three times a year. Hopefully I can take it before I graduate.
The second part of that topic is that I have a general plan for how to get into grad school. First priority is to find a job. I can't start going to grad school until I have someone to help me pay for it! In September my school is having a career fair. This is the key to my success. They do on site interviews and if I can get them to interview, I know I will get job offers. I'm going to take the best job offer I get, regardless of the location. It's only an entry level job, I can only go up. I will not be able to get my perfect job starting out, so I will settle for something that I love to do even if it's not in the right location.
So I know this has been a lengthy post, but a lot has happened to me and I needed to get it all out! Oh, and the boyfriend was upset with me today. Apparantly my posts on facebook are getting back to him. I have a lot of his friends as my facebook friends, and I guess they misinterpreted what I was posting. I would comment about my dismal financial situation and my problems and I guess what I was posting caused his friends to question him about it. My mistakes are my fault and only mine. I have no one to blame for my financial or emotional problems but myself. I posted that on facebook, hopefully things will get better. If not, I will just have to delete his friends from my facebook. Oh well, we will see if it gets better.
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