Day One

So Day One of my new epiphany.  Yesterday I did really well.  I told the boyfriend that I wanted to start over.  Neither of us will bring up the past, and we are going to start over fresh.  I don't know how well it will work but at least it's an attempt to get a clean slate.  I didn't go fishing for attention from anyone.  Today, I stopped myself from doing too much with that.  I did a little bit of fishing for attention but I think I'm set for the rest of the day.  I don't have the urge to create any drama right now.  When I get off of work today, I plan on going home and relaxing.  I will clean up the kitchen, cook a new dish that I've done before, and play some COD to unwind.  Tomorrow I have a lot of things I need to do, hopefully I can get it all done.

I ran out of my Zoloft today.  I'm hoping that the huge chemical inbalance that will be caused from missing my medication wont affect me too much. 

I was going to pick up my kids next weekend for memorial weekend, five whole days with them.  Unfortunately being almost $800 in the hole means I can't go get my kids.  I can afford to buy groceries, I can't afford to pay my bills, I can't afford anything right now.  I hate not being able to keep my old standard of living.  I hate living paycheck to paycheck and always wondering if I have enough to make it through the week.  I get paid in two days and then I'll still be $200 in the hole with at least $300 worth of bills due.  I just can't catch up.  I'm thinking about calling my mortgage company and asking them if I can skip a payment.  I've been current on every single payment since 2007, I hope they will cut me some slack.  That's on my list of things to do tomorrow.